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So I really need to write more.

It always feels so good when I am finished with a really solid blog post. So right now I am listening to the We Shot the Moon album entitled "Fear and Love". I am addicted for sure. This album really reminds me of one of my all time favorite bands, MXPX. I love love love it!

Just a quick note about having faith and not freaking out. I have learned in the past few months that things really never go exactly how you want them to. Mishaps are a part of everyday life. See the old me would literally freak out if something didn't go as planned. The new me (and I can't even put my finger on exactly when it happened) kind of just lets it go. Its like a drop of water hitting me, it pauses for a second and then it just rolls right off my shoulder. Don't get me wrong, I still get slightly upset when things don't go the way I planned, but it is just so refreshing to just let it go. I was talking about this with one of my friends and I was saying that I was worried that I couldn't feel anything anymore, that the fact that I wasn't freaking out was kind of freaking me out. She said something that has been stuck with me for a few weeks now. She said that she wished that her faith was that strong. That maybe the fact that I don't freak out anymore is a sign that my faith is getting stronger and that I know that everything will be ok.

Wow. That really hit me because I DO KNOW, without any doubt, that everything will be ok. Things are NEVER as bad as they seem. I will be ok. You will be ok. We will all be ok, if we just keep our faith strong and keep doing the things we are supposed to.

So......When your internship falls through and you have to stay in Provo all summer, it will be ok! When the cake your made for your roommate's birthday is lopsided, it will be ok because you can just cover it up with chocolate cinnamon bears!

LIFE IS WONDERFUL!!!!!

So in the words of We Shot the Moon: "I'm ready for fear and love, and everything between"

<3

Winter Semester 09

Weirdest semester of my life. 

I am trying to figure out why it was so weird. And weird isn't even the best word to describe it. I just cannot put my finger on it.....

I had TONS of fun. But I also had a lot of rough times too. Sometimes the rough times happened because of the TONS of fun (e.g. getting sick and staying sick for a month because I didn't want to stop having fun). 

I made some of the most wonderful friends of my life during this semester. These friends truly helped me through the rough times.

I lost my drive to do well in school. This was not helped by the general apathetic attitude that permeated the MPA program this semester. I was doing poorly, but so was everyone else so I didn't worry about it too much. Now it is reflected in my grades and I want to shoot myself. 

I didn't sleep enough. This caused all sorts of crazy problems.

I forgot how to feel. Things would happen that I knew I should have been happy or sad about and I wasn't. This, I believe, is one of the outcomes of not getting enough sleep. I have always been an emotional and passionate person and I want it back. 

I became self-centered. My thoughts went from focusing on others to focusing on myself. This is perhaps the worst part of it all.

Despite all this, I realized that this past semester was a huge growing period in my life. I have learned so much about myself. The biggest thing that I have learned however is this:

You MUST stay true to yourself. You HAVE to. 

It is vital. When you get the thought "Maybe I should go to bed" -- GO TO BED. The MOMENT you see yourself slipping from where you want to be, you have to correct it. You CANNOT lose yourself or get caught up in the world. Because at the end of the day it is just you, in your bed, thinking about the day. Thinking about the things that happened, what you did, what you should have done, what you wish you could have done.  

Don't worry. I am ok. I know what it takes to get back to where I want to be and I am already working on it. I really didn't mean to sound so depressing in this. I really am good. 

Life is good. My testimony is strong. My family loves me. I have AMAZING friends. I am healthy. I have a job. I have food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. What else could I ask for?

Its been awhile....

So this past weekend was one of those beautiful weekends that you wish could just last forever. Here are a few highlights

Friday:

• Provo Temple
• Cafe Rio with some of my all time favorite people i.e. Vanessa, Nam and Bryan :
  
  
• Getting Subway for Ryan and Vanessa> there was this crazy little girl who was running around the store, into the freezer and everything. I felt so bad for her Mom. Then the cash register ran out of ones and quarters... that was fun... i just wanted to get out of there before the smell of meat started overpowering my perfume!

• Apline Village "Feelin' Lucky?" dance> awesome friends+amazing dj= fun times

It was a great party and I was really sad that I had to leave early but......

Saturday:

• REX LEE RUN!!! I ran my first 5k and I made great time! I made it in 30 minutes and 12 seconds which is about 5 minutes faster than I have been practicing. I attribute this success to a few things (1) the knowledge that my family and friends were thinking about me. They have all been so supportive and it was really uplifting. (2) I was running with friends. We pretty much just talked the whole time and so it was pretty chill. (3) I took advil before so that my shins wouldn't hurt, I think it helped a lot, I couldn't really feel my legs :) I was so happy! (pics up soon)
• Car wash! After going 7 months without washing my car, I finally did it. I cannot tell you how much better having a clean car makes me feel! It is actually shiny now!
• Library: the information commons desk can actually be a pretty fun place :)
• Ballet Showcase: my roommate Jessica and I went to the ballet showcase and it was so beautiful. I absolutely love watching dance, especially ballet. It makes me wish I had stuck with dance when I was younger. Oh well. I am so impressed with how wonderfully talented people on this campus are.
• Hitch: What could be better than watching a great movie with Vanessa effing Oler? I submit that there is nothing better. :) haha
• Meeting Garrett Tenney- nuff said

Sunday:

• Church: nuff said
• Beautiful weather!!
• Realizing that an assignment I thought was due tomorrow actually isn't due till Wednesday!
• Talking to Mom on the phone: I had her go through my closet and tell me all the clothes that are still in there. I will be recieving a package in the near future with about 20 items of clothing that haven't fit in years :)
• Having time to update my blog

<3

I want to travel

For the past six months or so, I have had this constant and strong urge to get out of the United States. It is not that I don't love and appreciate this country, I feel very blessed to live here, but my desire to see the world is a strong one. The thought of quitting life for a year and traveling all over the world makes it hard to focus on much else. A month in Europe when I was 15 just wasn't enough to satisfy my longing to see new places and meet new people. I can't really imagine much else more amazing than seeing all the places I have studied about and meeting people who are different from me, but also learning that we are all essentially the same. Here are a few things that I would give almost anything to see/do

Pyramids in Cairo
The Holy Land
all of New Zealand
Stonehenge at sunrise
The Russian Ballet in Moscow
O Cristo Redentor in Rio de Jainero
just lay on a huge grassy hill somewhere in Scotland or Ireland
go back to the Swiss Alps
Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia
spend more time in Rome
spend TONS more time in Spain

I could go on and on about all the places I want to see.

Unfortunately I have no money. Maybe I will just have to find a rich guy who has the same desire to travel as me!

As for now, hopefully my trip to Montreal in September will satisfy my urge just a little.

I have never done this before....

Wow, that was easy! I have put off starting a blog because I thought it would take up too much of my time, but that didn't take very much time at all ( minus the five minutes I sat there trying to think of a name for this thing). I have viewed many of my friends and family's blogs and have been blown away by their awesomness so I have decided to start my own. I don't know how well I will be able to keep it up and I hope that it won't become too addicting (another thing I have observed from family and friends). Well enough talking, I wanna make this thing cute!