Sky

The sky and I have something in common.

I am usually a very emotional person i.e., I cry a lot. Not always because I am sad, but when I am happy too. But for the past two months or so, I haven't gotten emotional about anything. I haven't cried. There were of course the occasional teary eyes, either from being happy or sad, but despite all the crappy stuff that has happened the past few weeks, I haven't really broken down and sobbed. Some may think this is a good thing, but for me, crying is a release, cathartic even. Crying frees all the pent up negative emotion that exists inside the body. I always feel better after a good cry. It is for this reason that I was concerned about my lack of tears/emotion.

Much like my lack of tears, the weather in Provo the past few weeks has been similarly frustrating. Everyday, around two or three in the afternoon, the clouds roll in and sprinkle a few raindrops for maybe 30 minutes at the longest. After a few weeks of this taunting behavior, I found myself wishing for the clouds to just open up and pour. Just get it over with, stop with the lame random raindrops. Well today that finally happened. Right on schedule, the dark clouds rolled in at around 3, but this time, they actually opened up and poured. Likewise, this morning, right on schedule, tears filled my eyes as more worries entered into my brain. But this time, the tears actually spilled out--and they kept spilling out. Then came the deep sobs. All the stress and negative emotion from the past few months was finally coming out!

It felt so good.

Not only because I was releasing all that negative energy, but also because I found out that I can still cry! I had started to imagine myself like Cameron Diaz on The Holiday-- a thirty-something year old who hadn't cried since she was a kid.

Crying is good for you. You should never hold it back (unless you are in a situation where it would be socially awkward to start crying e.g. in the grocery store, walking on campus, at a dance party etc.). Just let it go. I promise you will feel better afterward. There is always a rainbow after the rain.

Kate Voegele

I try not to compare my life to music and movies, but sometimes a song rolls around that really speaks to me and describes exactly what I am feeling in words that I couldn't have come up with on my own. Here is a perfect example:

Sweet Silver Lining by Kate Voegele

Im going home,
down-hearted and hoping Im close,
to some new beginning.
I know,
theres a reason for everything that comes and goes.

Chorus:
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
but Im just surviving.
And I may be weak but Im never defeated
and Ill keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining.

Verse 2:
Most days I try
my best to put on a brave face
but inside my bones are cold and my heart breaks
but all the while, somethings keeping me safe and alive

Chorus:
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
but Im just surviving.
And I may be weak but Im never defeated
and Ill keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining.

Bridge:
I wont give up like this,
I will be given strength,
Now that Ive found it,
Oh nothing can take that away

Chorus:
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
but Im just surviving.
And I may be weak but Im never defeated
and Ill keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining