Bring it on!

I am so ready for 2010!

Here is an AMAZING narrative from one of my favorite websites "1,000 Awesome Things".

I think it is beautiful, enjoy. :)

"#601 Getting through it
That was a tough one.

Come on in and stop for a second to shake your head, dust yourself off, and look back at how far you’ve come.

Sure, it’s been a long year. Some crushing lows slapped you and smacked you around. There were times your heart dipped and you squinted back tears while your stomach squeezed so tightly you couldn’t sleep. There were moments you walked around in a glossy-eyeball daze — when loved ones hurt, friends didn’t stay, or someone dear to your heart slowly drifted away.

Sleepless nights, stressful nights, with teething babies, slurring customers, bad bosses, bickering boyfriends, or blank computer screens. You were feeling and you were dealing and you were reeling and you were healing.

But as you walked your hard path down your long and bumpy road some little drops of confidence dripped like coffee into your head and into your heart. As you stumbled and got back up a quiet inner strength slowly seeped into your bones. And as you climbed over obstacles set in your way some relaxed satisfaction and growing self-awareness glimmered like bright lights at the bottom of your stomach.

Yes, this year changed you and grew you in so many ways you don’t even feel or notice yet. As you struggled you empathized, as you slipped you understood, as you worked you earned…

… as you looked you learned

… … as you dared you grew

… … … and as you jumped you flew.

Your dreams are still focusing and your passion is growing. Your energy is still bubbling as your story keeps going.

You’ve been through so much and gained a year’s supply of experience along the way. You’re stronger than you were last year and stronger than you realize. Sure, there were times you bent, but you definitely didn’t break. There were times you caved, but you definitely didn’t flake.

Listen up: you got bigger, you got better, and you got the scars to prove it.

So stop for a second today to smile and look back at everything you’ve done this year… everything you’ve seen… everywhere you’ve been…

You’ve taken more illegal naps and had more blurry-eyed late nights.

You’ve danced to more wedding songs and smiled at more beautiful sights.

You’ve seen more scorching sunsets and heard more head-bopping songs.

You’ve tripped a few times, but baby, you kept rolling right along.

Yes, you’ve hugged more old friends and kissed some brand new pretty faces.

You’ve cheered more on the sidelines and visited some brand new pretty places.

You tasted more meals, you got more deals, and you’ve sniffed more flower blossoms.

And you made it all the way through this year because you’re so completely

AWESOME!"

by Neil Pasricha

Merry Christmas

Tonight,my heart is full of gratitude for my Savior- His birth, His life, and His death. This year I started listening to Christmas music a lot earlier than I usually do. A week or so before Thanksgiving I found the "Peaceful Holidays" station on Pandora and for the next month and a half it was literally all I listened to. I love this station because it played piano or instrumental arrangements of Christmas songs. These beautiful songs became a form of worship for me because they express feelings for the Savior that I can't so eloquently describe on my own. Here are a few lines that really express my feelings towards the Savior tonight on Christmas Eve.

"What can I give Him, poor as I am?....Yet what I can, I give Him: give my heart."
-In the Bleak Midwinter

"Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!"
- O Holy Night, last verse

"He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love."
-Joy to the World, last verse

"This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:
Haste, haste to bring him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary!"
-What Child is This?

Merry Christmas everyone! I love you all.

Wonderful and Weird things that happen when I come home

Wonderful:

- I get to see my family
- It is warm, even if it is "cold" it is still warm
- I get to go running a lot
- I get to see old friends
- I get to go to my home ward and see people who have known me since I was a baby (and they don't hesitate to tell me all about it :)
- I get my own room ( I love you Tati)
- I do fun reminiscing things like looking at pictures and yearbooks
- I get to eat my mom's food

Weird:

- I become really tired. It is the weirdest thing. At school when I am getting ready for bed, I am able to stay awake to read my scriptures, write in my journal, and pray, but when I am home, as soon as I put my pajamas on, I am OUT. Like the fall-asleep-while-you're-praying-and-wake-up-twenty-minutes-later-with-a-neck-ache-kind of out.
-I become lazy. I wake up, do some stuff, read a book, sleep, do some stuff, read a book, and sleep some more.
-Even though it is warm outside, I am always FREEZING inside my house. I am not quite sure what it is, but all day yesterday I was walking around with sweats and a sweatshirt and a blanket wrapped around me. I think I just got used to having it be 80 degrees inside like it is in my apartment.
- I have virtually no recollection of the whole past year I spent in Provo. When I think about it, it seems like it happened 20 years ago on a different planet. I feel like once I left Provo, so did everyone else and that nothing happened and nothing will happen till I get back. Weird. And egocentric.

Right this very minute......

I am watching "Little Women" with Laura and Janae and I am very happy :)

Exciting!

http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_13965607

The Church is adding "to care for the poor and needy" to the three-fold mission of the church! I think it is really exciting and a huge blessing to have modern-day revelation guiding us in our lives.

Savior, Redeemer of My Soul

Tonight at institute, Katherine sang this beautiful song. I can't stop thinking about it. My two favorite lines that keep running through my head are "And all my life reflect thy will" and "And fit me for the life above". Here is a beautiful video that I found of the hymn. Enjoy :)

It's Dad's 50th Birthday!!!

My Dad is:

sacrificing

Hard working

strong spirited

faithful

a Melchizedek Priesthood holder

a return missionary

a teacher

a lover of hymns

a lover of books

a lover of traveling

a lover of neckties

a good story-teller

a Trojan through and through (fight on!!)

funny

sometimes embarrassing (but we love it)

a wonderful father that I love very very much.

My Dad helped me to learn how to read. He has always worked very hard to make life good for us. He has saved money to take us to really cool places. He has sacrificed a lot in the past few months to keep our family happy. I love him very very much.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Daddy!

What I am most grateful for.....

Today was a really good Thanksgiving. It was a little weird not being with my family, and it is a little weird sitting here in my apartment on Thanksgiving night, but it is refreshing to mix things up a bit and to know that I can be happy and have fun in new places with new people.

Writing a post every day about the things I am grateful for has led me to a lot of reflection on what I am MOST grateful for in my life. The thing I am most grateful for in my life (besides my family, that is a given) is my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was fortunate enough to be born into the church and to be active in it my whole life. However, it was not until about a year ago (if I am being really honest) that I started to gain my own testimony. My testimony of the gospel-and more specifically of my Savior Jesus Christ- is my most prized possession. Luckily it is one that can never be taken away or stolen from me. It is one that I can keep forever, and it will even get stronger as I live through the rest of my life. I am so grateful for EVERYTHING that has happened in my life to get me to the point I am at now. I still have a looooong way to go, but I have a strong and deep faith in the Atonement and in modern -day prophets. I have the Book of Mormon and temples. I have my family for all eternity. I have a strong relationship with my Heavenly Father through prayer. What else could I need? I am so grateful for these things which have been (and will be) the strong foundation I need to conquer whatever challenges life brings me. For this I am very, very extremely and eternally grateful.

lots and lots

to be thankful for:

inspiration

my job

got my paper done :)

seeing my cousins tomorrow!

LDSP job posting

Noelle in PMPC for helping me make two people's day :)

dancing turkeys

Mt. Timp (it was pink tonight) kind of like this:

It looks like Thanksgiving outside

Today I walked outside and it really looked like Thanksgiving! I don't know how, it just did K? Ok.

Tonight I attended my FIRST BYU basketball game EVER! It was way fun! I am really glad I went!

I am grateful that I live on this earth,at this specific time, in the United States, in Provo, UT, at Chatsworth, in Center 7, as Tati's roommate. I am so blessed.

I am grateful to be the daughter of Rex and Janet Gutierrez. I am grateful to be the grand daughter of Welcome and Eleanor Adamson and Carlos and Lucy Gutierrez. I am grateful to be the sister to Anna Beth and Rex Elias Gutierrez. I am grateful to be a cousin to my 56 cousins on my Gutierrez side and my 9 cousins on my Adamson side.

Basically, I am just grateful for my life. Just the way it is. For everything that has happened in my life, the good and the bad. For everything currently happening in my life, both the fun and the not so fun.

Dear life,

I love you.

Love, Alison

Vulnerable

Today I am grateful for many things:

Joseph Smith

Guru's with the BF (best friend, not boyfriend!)

Kathryn I.

Apple Cider

Thanksgiving break

Katie S.

That I was not one of the ones presenting today in ethics

that I changed my emphasis

Eva- for being understanding and flexible

Mom

Oops...

Oops, I totally forgot to post yesterday! So this post is for what I was thankful for yesterday and tonight I will (hopefully) remember to post about what I am thankful for today. But first, what is the difference between THANKFUL and GRATEFUL? I am going to investigate because I have always wondered....

Ok so they are synonyms and are basically the same thing.

In Websters Dictionary (online edition) it defines thankful as:
1. Conscious of benefit received
2.expressive of thanks (duh)
3. well pleased; glad

Grateful is defined as:
1. a) appreciative of benefit received. b)expressing gratitude (duh)
2. a) affording pleasure or contentment. b)pleasing by reason of comfort supplied or discomfort alleviated.

Hmmmm.... very interesting.... so being thankful is more of a recognition of something whereas being grateful is actually being appreciative something. I think you have to be thankful for something in order to be grateful for it. But they are basically the same so.....

I am grateful for Steve for helping me transport the turkey last night and for not getting juice all over my car.

I am grateful for days where I am alone most of the day (I really mean it, I am not being sarcastic). I think we all need those once and awhile.

I am grateful for music

I am grateful for my car

Pink

Squaw Peak was pink tonight at around 5 and I really liked it.

I am grateful that I got to talk to my sister today. We really don't talk enough.

I am grateful for seeing friends I haven't seen in awhile and catching up with them.

I am grateful for hugs.

I am grateful for children and the pure love of Christ that they exemplify.

I am grateful that it was warm(er) today

I am grateful for Michael for making me laugh this morning when I really needed it.

I am grateful for the email I just got from Andrew M.

I am grateful for Jarilyn.

I am grateful for the "Peaceful Holidays" station on Pandora

I wish...

I wish I was going home for Thanksgiving.

So it's not that I wasn't thankful for anything the last two days, I was just really busy :)

Today I am very grateful for:

amazing friends

my job

life

the gospel

laughing

this:

Homeward Bound

Today I am grateful for:

The gorgeous song "Homeward Bound" written by Marta Keen. I downloaded the Mormon Tabernacle Choir arrangement of it and I can't stop listening to it.

Mom calling me on her way home just to say hi :)

My great-grandmother Rachel Bleak. I have a beautiful picture (that I may or may not have stolen from my grandparent's house) that I love to look at for inspiration.

The Book of Mormon and Elder Holland's conference talk "Safety for the Soul"

A friend (who shall remain nameless so his head won't get too big ;) who carried my books home for me. Thank you!

Lovely Weekend

I feel like there is something important I should be doing, but I can't remember....so I will just blog :)

I went to the temple with my ward on Friday night. We ended up doing some family names for Aubrey which was really neat! I then went home and actually did some studying (gasp!) I usually don't do that on Friday nights......

I woke up earlyish on Saturday. I looked out the window and what did I see? SNOW! My initial reaction was some form of "ugh" but then I remembered my goal to find the beauty in everything. So I decided it was beautiful and I got really excited. The days events proceeded as follows:

- a wonderful little meeting of the ethics club ( members include: me, Raymon, Jarilyn, Lindsay,Heather,Andrew, and Brooke). We had a stimulating discussion on various topics such as subjective vs. objective reasoning, the ethics toolbox, and the Bathsheba syndrome. Oh how we LOVE ethics!

- a little BYU game-watching BBQ at Jeff's house. Great people, yummy burgers, and a leg wrestling competition in which I witnessed Ray dominate everyone(except Carolyn of course :)

- more homework ( I know, I was on a roll!) mixed with naps, mostly because I was doing homework on my bed.

-hot cocoa party with more wonderful people!

- ice cream, cards, and dancing to music from Glee with Lindsay, Boyd, and Brian. Great fun :)

Today was a bitter sweet day. Church was great as always. We bid farewell to our bishopric and welcomed a new one. I love them already. Just by looking at them and shaking their hands, I know that they love us.

Besides surprising myself with the amount of homework I accomplished, I am surprising myself in other ways too. I can't quite put what I have been feeling lately into words yet, but it is happy and scary all at the same time. It makes my stomach get all tied up in knots but also makes me excited. Maybe one day I will be able to share it, but as for now, NO WAY.

I am thankful for :

love

snow

friends

happiness

the Mormon radio channel on lds.org

my ward <3

I want to go to there....

(all photos are taken by this amazing woman)

La dee da....

Today was a good day. I am thankful for:

RB

Niki- the department secretary who I sit at the front desk with. We have so much fun talking, especially about baking :) Today was her birthday and she brought cupcakes for everyone else! She is so sweet...

This morning when I walked out of that Tanner building, the wind was blowing and all the leaves were flying everywhere. It looked so magical and beautiful, I wish I could have captured it somehow.....

The city clerk of Grand Terrace for actually returning my call!

<3

Brooke Reider Day!!

Today was so fun! Some of the girls in the program dressed up like the fabulous Brooke Reider! This included lots of pink, bows, and teased hair! It was way fun.

Today I am grateful for:

All the girls in my program, and especially Eva Witesman for being so awesome!

All the men and women who have sacrificed their time and their lives to protect our country and fight for what we as Americans believe in. Happy Veterans Day!

Speaking of Veterans Day, I am grateful that my Dad's event went well tonight. I think he has a good turn out which I am sure made him feel very happy. Dad happy= me happy!!

Institute- amazing. I hope the teacher knows how great his lessons are.

Hymn # 131- More Holiness Give Me. My favorite line is "More fit for the kingdom"

Warm weather- because I know the cold is coming-- like tomorrow.... :/

Now the day is over....

Today I am thankful for:

Pandora- specifically the Jon Schmidt station I have been listening to for the past 4 hours.

Being done with this grant proposal assignment

My mom not having to work tomorrow

feeling like I should check the DVDs before I sent them to Elder Packer

water

new boots :)

Berto (the guinea pig) looking really cute

the meeting with Orem city going well

Monday!!!!!

Today (even though it was Monday) I am grateful for:

Advil and airborne- helped me not feel sick anymore so I could go about my daily activities free from pain and sickyness.

Singing in the car

Eating dinner together with my whole ward at bishop's house :)

This poem:

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-Robert Frost

I <3 <3 Sundays

Today I am grateful for so so many things, and I don't have time to extrapolate on all of them so I will just list them all:

1. My ward. I love everyone in it so so much. They bring me so much joy!

2. My bishopric. so so sad they are getting released nest week :(

3. Visiting teaching

4. Visiting friends i haven't seen in awhile! Happy Birthday Celia!

5. leftovers. Without them, I would have gone hungry today ( not really, I am just being dramatic, but still very grateful)

6. amazing amazing wonderful beautiful friends. and brownies from said friends :)

7. sister <3

I <3 Saturdays

Today I am grateful for :

people who don't rake their yards- this gives me an endless amount of crunchy leaves step on when I am running. :)

running- I love running and I am grateful that my body is healthy and strong and able to run.

Relief Society- last night was the RS sleepover and it was way fun. I was reminded once again how blessed I am to be surrounded by such beautiful and amazing people!

Song and Sky

Today I am grateful for:

The sky: today is one of the most beautiful days I have ever seen. I know I have said this like a bazillion times, but i absolutely love Fall. Today is so warm. I just regret that I couldn't be outside in it. However, I am blessed that my desk faces a big window which faces the mountains so it could be worse right? The sky is an amazing blue color right now and just makes the orange and yellow leaves pop so much more. I am also looking at two hang-gliders who are over the mountain. Wouldn't it be so cool to feel like you were flying? I LOVE TODAY!

Lady Antebellum's "I Run To You"- I can't get enough of this song. It makes me so very very happy. It is a beautiful song with great lyrics and every time it comes on the radio I get really excited. Like today, I was driving to work and the windows were down (because it is a beautiful day) and right before I was going to turn into the UPB parking lot, the song came on! So I just kept driving so I could hear it.

Here is a link to the song on youtube :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXf4QLqnROU

Gratitude

My good friend Brittney gave me a great idea. Everyday in the month of November, she is going to talk about things she is thankful for. In reading her blog thus far, I noticed that she is very aware of the little things in life, the little things that bring joy. She usually lists more than one thing, some of them are small things and some of them a little more serious. I decided that I want to do this too. Thanks Britt!!

Today I am thankful for:

My Dad. He is working so hard to support my family. He has always been a great example to me of hard work. I am sure it isn't easy when you have to essentially change your whole career path at the age of 50 and basically start all over again. But he is doing it. He is doing it with dignity and strength.

Berto- Berto is our new guinea pig. He is super cute, even though I am still nervous to touch him. More importantly, last night when Tati brought him home, she was more excited and happy than I have seen her in awhile. This brings joy to my soul!!!

Crockpots- They make my life so much easier! Especially on busy days like this :)

Life is life

Sometimes, when I have a lot to say, I don't really feel like taking the time to write a nice post about everything- because there is too much. So I combine that with my obsession with lists and I make a BIG LIST

Things I have learned/noticed/thought over the past few weeks:

1. I adore fall. I would marry it if I could. When talking to a friend about this, I told him that if I could have it my way,the trees would always look yellow, orange, or red and there would always be a plethora of crunchy leaves on the ground for me to step on. Then he said it wouldn't be special anymore. This was very wise, and I agree. Thanks Sam.
2. Speaking of Sam, I decided that I love the name Sam. It is one of the only boy names I really like. Sam, Nathan, and Ben. Those will be my sons names. And my daughters names will be Jane, Mary, and Betsy. Jane is a must, Mary and Betsy are new loves which I may or may not still be attached to by the time I have children.
3. I want a mac book
4. Life is precious. I stumbled upon a blog that I probably should have stumbled upon before now. Stephanie Clark is a young mother who got in a plane crash and suffered severe burns all over her body. She was in a coma for months. Her face was completely reconstructed and she looks totally different. Despite all this she is just so grateful to be alive and keeps continuing on in faith. She has hard days when she looks in the mirror and cries because she misses her old self. But she just keeps on living, and living beautifully. The day after I started reading her blog, Robi got in to a bad longboarding accident. In the time between hearing about the accident and hearing the actual details, I just kept thinking "He will be ok, he has to be ok. Even if he is paralyzed or something, he will still be happy Robi and it will be ok." Robi ended up passing away on Friday October 23, 2009. Life is precious. We can't take it for granted.
5.When things like the above happen, it really makes you realize what is most important in life and all the silly things we worry about daily. A lot of things become very insignificant.
6.ALWAYS wear a helmet, especially when doing dangerous things.
7. Being surrounded by good people is the way to go. I love my friends and the people I am with daily. I cannot put in to words the difference it has made in my life.
8. Laughing is so fun.
9. People are usually smarter and cooler than they think they really are. Of course if cool people knew they were cool, that would definitely make them un-cool.
10. I love the Book of Mormon
11. I have been telling people that I am not excited to graduate because I still don't really know what I want to do. But I do know what I want to do, I am just not ready to leave Provo yet. I love Provo. A lot. I have only lived here for a little over a year and despite the cold and snow, I don't want to leave yet. I want to find a job (LDS Philanthropies?) in this area and stick around, at least for a little bit.
12. This weekend marked a year since my boyfriend and I broke up. A year ago at this time I thought I was going to die, I wanted to run away and get away from everything and everyone. It is amazing how much things can change in a year. I am SO happy. I am so much stronger, and closer to where I want to be.
13. If I don't make specific times to go to the temple, I don't go. Common Alison, get it together!
14. I love my Dad and I am so proud of the things he is doing/ sacrificing for my family.
15. When I am bored at work, I can think of lots of things to say!!

Just sayin....

I have come to the realization lately that I think I should have been born on a farm or in the country. This might have something to do with the fact that I have lived in Idaho and Utah for the past (almost) six years of my life. I grew up in a very urban area- the houses on either side of mine were probably only 15 feet away.

Exhibit A:

Don't get me wrong, I love Southern California and I LOVE where I grew up, but sometimes I just really wish I lived in the middle of nowhere.

Exhibit B:

This picture makes me feel a variety of different feelings:

1. It makes me really happy
2. It brings out a deep sense of longing
3. It makes me jealous of whoever's farm that is
4. and it makes me want to marry a rancher or a farmer so I can live somewhere like that ( Ok, I know it is silly, but at least I know that it is silly, right?!)

Ok though, in all seriousness, I have really come to love and value the beauty of the earth. I am having a hard time coming up with a way to accurately describe my feelings on this subject..... so I will spare you from the rambling that comes from not knowing what I am trying to say.....There is actually a Dixie Chicks song that kind of describes what I am trying to say so here are a few lines from that song:

I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

FIN

It's Been Awhile.....

Well, school has been going for about a month now and I have managed not to go too crazy yet. The biggest thing that has changed in the last month is that I changed my emphasis in the MPA program to Nonprofit Management. So this was kind of a surprising decision (even for me) because I have always wanted to do local government- as in I decided to go to grad school so I could do local government. But when school started, I just was not happy with my classes and I just didn't feel good about where I was going. (Those that know me really well know that I have to feel good and be happy with what I am doing or I wont be able to do it) So I started thinking about nonprofit and maybe switching my emphasis but I kept thinking "No, it's too late, you would be way too behind." or "Hey, wait! You have always loved local government, you can't just switch up the whole course of your career with only eight months till graduation!"

So it was the last day to add or drop classes and I got an email from Catherine (the assistant director of the program) asking if anyone wanted to switch into the nonprofit classes because it was the last day and they needed more people. So with about 2 hours to think about it and meet with Catherine, I took a few minutes and tried to think about it rationally ( I am kind of known to make major decisions without thinking them through all of the way) but then I realized that I don't really have time to think about it rationally and to do all the things you are supposed to do when making a huge decision (e.g. pro/con lists) so I decided to resort to my favorite way of making decisions- How does it make me feel? Switching my emphasis to nonprofit felt right and I knew I would be very happy doing it. So I did. And it worked out beautifully. The classes I had to add fit perfectly into my schedule and I didn't have to change my work schedule at all or anything! A fellow student still had the books so I could just buy them from him and Dr. Witesman was so excited and very willing to work with me on getting me caught up. The biggest way I know that it was the right decision is the fact that I actually enjoy reading my textbooks! I don't fall asleep!

This experience has taught me a few things, but the biggest thing is that you just need to do what makes you happy. We are blessed with the Spirit of discernment and that means we should be able to rely on the way we feel about things to help us in the decisions we make. If we feel uneasy about something, we shouldn't do it. If we don't feel at peace about something, it may not be the best decision.

On a lighter less serious note, I LOVE FOOTBALL!!!! I have been having so much fun going to the games with my friends, it has been a blast! ( I am sure having 40 yard line, front row seats helps a little :)

Also, despite the fact that I miss Summer desperately, the Fall IS beautiful!! Just wish it didn't get so cold so fast!

Sorry for the long, rambling post- I will try to stay more updated :)

Summer all the time!

So school starts like...tomorrow. In less than 12 hrs I will be in class. I have had such a wonderful summer, it is really hard to think about going back to school. But I have decided that I will just pretend it is still summer, even when it's not. Let me explain: This summer was very relaxing for me. I did everything that I wanted to do and more. I had a very laid back, no worries attitude. So I have decided I will just keep that attitude, even when things are going crazy. Also, I will not think about how great summer was and complain about the fact that it is not summer anymore. So even when my skin starts turning white again from the lack of sun, I will just pretend I am tan. I will act like it is still summer.

Besides, I really do LOVE the Fall.


FOOTBALLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tati

This is Tati.

Tati is my roommate. Not only is Tati my roommate, she is also one of the best examples to me about how to be a good person. Why, you ask? Let me just give you a few reasons:

Tati is strong. She puts up with a lot; and she does it without complaining.

Tati is patient. Tati teaches severely handicapped children. How she is able to be patient and kind with them is beyond my comprehension, yet she does it- every single day. Not only does she do it, but she loves it.

Tati sees the beauty in all people. As I just mentioned, Tati teaches handicapped children. The other day I was asking her about her class and she excitedly told me all about them and how wonderful they are. She told me about a little girl and she described her as beautiful. Tati has the rare ability to see beauty in people that most other people cannot see.

Tati is self-sacrificing. She will do anything for anyone. You couldn't find a better friend to have.

Tati is beautiful

Tati loves her family more than anyone I have ever met.

Tati is a GREAT swimmer :)

Those are just a few of the reason's why I think Tati is wonderful. I am so so SO blessed to have her in my life.

Grace

–noun
1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
2. a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
3. favor or good will.

Our (Tati and I) keyword for this coming semester is grace. This word originally came into my mind when I was imagining myself running around like a mad woman or a chicken with it's head cut off this next semester when I am working 20 hrs. a week and in my second year of grad school. Sometimes I get stressed and act kinda silly (e.g. grunting and sighing a lot, even making frustrated screaming noises). I decided that I don't want to be like that. No matter how crazy crazy things get, I want to maintain composure. I want to be graceful. I want to do everything gracefully, and with style. No screaming and pulling my hair out, just calm deep breaths and smiles :)

I was telling my best friend about our keyword and it occurred to me that the word grace is also in my all time favorite scripture. 2 Nephi 25:23 : "For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." I love love LOVE this scripture because it teaches me that if I do everything that I possibly can and have faith the Atonement will make up the rest and everything will be OK!!

GRACE

For the Beauty of the Earth

Today was a beautiful, wonderful day. When I woke up this morning, I have to admit, I didn't have very high hopes (it was cloudy and rainy- in August ). But this afternoon the sun came out and it all turned around. I rode my bike down the Provo River Trail to the very end by the lake. If you keep going past the lake recreation area, the trail continues along the edge of the lake and ends abruptly at the edge of the water. There is only one other time that I can think of when pure natural beauty has literally taken my breath away. I don't know exactly what made it so beautiful to me-it could have been the perfect blue sky with just enough clouds to make it look like a painting. Or maybe it was the trees slightly blowing in the breeze which reminded me so much of my grandparent's house in Fallbrook. Or it also could have been the gorgeous mountains in the distance and the horses grazing in the field. I think what really made it so beautiful is how close I felt to Heavenly Father at that moment. I could feel His love for me, and for all of His children, so strongly. Everything seemed so simple. I sat there on the pavement for about thirty minutes and just thought about life. It was pretty cliche, but I honestly cannot imagine a more perfect place to sit and think. Before I got back on my bike, I sat there and tried to etch everything about that spot onto my brain so that I could remember it every time I get stressed or sad or lonely. I felt warm, and perfectly at peace. Nothing could touch me there. One of my favorite hymns came to mind as I was sitting there- For the Beauty of the Earth.

For the beauty of the earth,

For the beauty of the skies,

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the beauty of each hour

Of the day and of the night,

Hill and vale, and tree and flower,

Sun and moon and stars of light,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the joy of human love,

Brother, sister, parent, child,

Friends on earth, and friends above,

Pleasures pure and undefiled,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

<3>

blog bloggy bloggity blog

So I really need to write more.

It always feels so good when I am finished with a really solid blog post. So right now I am listening to the We Shot the Moon album entitled "Fear and Love". I am addicted for sure. This album really reminds me of one of my all time favorite bands, MXPX. I love love love it!

Just a quick note about having faith and not freaking out. I have learned in the past few months that things really never go exactly how you want them to. Mishaps are a part of everyday life. See the old me would literally freak out if something didn't go as planned. The new me (and I can't even put my finger on exactly when it happened) kind of just lets it go. Its like a drop of water hitting me, it pauses for a second and then it just rolls right off my shoulder. Don't get me wrong, I still get slightly upset when things don't go the way I planned, but it is just so refreshing to just let it go. I was talking about this with one of my friends and I was saying that I was worried that I couldn't feel anything anymore, that the fact that I wasn't freaking out was kind of freaking me out. She said something that has been stuck with me for a few weeks now. She said that she wished that her faith was that strong. That maybe the fact that I don't freak out anymore is a sign that my faith is getting stronger and that I know that everything will be ok.

Wow. That really hit me because I DO KNOW, without any doubt, that everything will be ok. Things are NEVER as bad as they seem. I will be ok. You will be ok. We will all be ok, if we just keep our faith strong and keep doing the things we are supposed to.

So......When your internship falls through and you have to stay in Provo all summer, it will be ok! When the cake your made for your roommate's birthday is lopsided, it will be ok because you can just cover it up with chocolate cinnamon bears!

LIFE IS WONDERFUL!!!!!

So in the words of We Shot the Moon: "I'm ready for fear and love, and everything between"

<3

Beautiful Savior

Today in sacrament meeting, four boys in my ward sang "Beautiful Savior". It was honestly one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. First off that song is gorgeous and second of all they had amazing voices. It was seriously wonderful.

Beautiful Savior

Fair is the sunshine, fairer the moonlight

And all the stars in heav'n above.

Jesus shines brighter, Jesus shines purer,

And brings to all the world his love.

Fair are the meadows, fairer the woodlands

Robed in the flowers of blooming spring.

Jesus is fairer, Jesus is purer,

He makes the sorrowing spirit sing.

Beautiful Savior! Lord of the nations

Son of God and Son of Man

Thee I honor, praise, and give glory.

Give glory evermore.

Sky

The sky and I have something in common.

I am usually a very emotional person i.e., I cry a lot. Not always because I am sad, but when I am happy too. But for the past two months or so, I haven't gotten emotional about anything. I haven't cried. There were of course the occasional teary eyes, either from being happy or sad, but despite all the crappy stuff that has happened the past few weeks, I haven't really broken down and sobbed. Some may think this is a good thing, but for me, crying is a release, cathartic even. Crying frees all the pent up negative emotion that exists inside the body. I always feel better after a good cry. It is for this reason that I was concerned about my lack of tears/emotion.

Much like my lack of tears, the weather in Provo the past few weeks has been similarly frustrating. Everyday, around two or three in the afternoon, the clouds roll in and sprinkle a few raindrops for maybe 30 minutes at the longest. After a few weeks of this taunting behavior, I found myself wishing for the clouds to just open up and pour. Just get it over with, stop with the lame random raindrops. Well today that finally happened. Right on schedule, the dark clouds rolled in at around 3, but this time, they actually opened up and poured. Likewise, this morning, right on schedule, tears filled my eyes as more worries entered into my brain. But this time, the tears actually spilled out--and they kept spilling out. Then came the deep sobs. All the stress and negative emotion from the past few months was finally coming out!

It felt so good.

Not only because I was releasing all that negative energy, but also because I found out that I can still cry! I had started to imagine myself like Cameron Diaz on The Holiday-- a thirty-something year old who hadn't cried since she was a kid.

Crying is good for you. You should never hold it back (unless you are in a situation where it would be socially awkward to start crying e.g. in the grocery store, walking on campus, at a dance party etc.). Just let it go. I promise you will feel better afterward. There is always a rainbow after the rain.

Kate Voegele

I try not to compare my life to music and movies, but sometimes a song rolls around that really speaks to me and describes exactly what I am feeling in words that I couldn't have come up with on my own. Here is a perfect example:

Sweet Silver Lining by Kate Voegele

Im going home,
down-hearted and hoping Im close,
to some new beginning.
I know,
theres a reason for everything that comes and goes.

Chorus:
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
but Im just surviving.
And I may be weak but Im never defeated
and Ill keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining.

Verse 2:
Most days I try
my best to put on a brave face
but inside my bones are cold and my heart breaks
but all the while, somethings keeping me safe and alive

Chorus:
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
but Im just surviving.
And I may be weak but Im never defeated
and Ill keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining.

Bridge:
I wont give up like this,
I will be given strength,
Now that Ive found it,
Oh nothing can take that away

Chorus:
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
but Im just surviving.
And I may be weak but Im never defeated
and Ill keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining

Love Love Love

WOW

Words cannot describe the joy I am feeling right now. My mom just called to tell me about the City Council meeting tonight at home. She said at least 300 people came to the meeting to support my Dad. A lot of them were from my Stake but a lot were just random citizens of the city who came to show their love and support for him. Person after person got up and talked about how my Dad was the only one who ever returned the citizens calls and how he was the only one out of the whole council who ever acted like they cared. My Dad has such a great love for the city and is so wonderful to see how much it has paid off. My uncle even drove down from Pasadena just to come and support him. 

Our family and friends have been SO incredible. I can't even begin to talk about how grateful I am. Everyone has been so thoughtful and so amazing. I have truly felt everyone's prayers on our behalf. This has been such a testimony builder to me on how we are truly here to be instruments in the Lord's hands and to help our fellow men. This has also increased my love for people and especially people from my home town and for my family.

I just watched a streaming video of my Dad's closing statement to wrap up the meeting. Wow. It is so interesting because he quoted Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life where he says that a man who has friends is never a failure and is the riche

st man in town ( or something like that). It is interesting because I was just thinking about that movie today and my facebook status for a week has been "Life is Wonderful" (Thanks to a good friend who recommended that song to me :) My Dad is amazing. 

See , I told you my posts wouldn't be depressing anymore :)

                                                                   It's A Wonderful Life

It's not always sunny...

The past two days have been an example of how life can just be really gloomy. Without going into a huge speal with all the juciy details, I will just say enough to get it out of my brain so I don't explode into an ocean of tears. 

Basically, politics suck. Corruption permeates everywhere, even places you thought were safe. Unfortunately this corruption hurts everyone involved, including my father. He got caught up in a huge mess that is affecting the future of his political career and the essentially the future of our family. People he thought he could trust have turned their backs on him and even spoken publicly against him. An honest man who loves to serve his people has been made to look like a crook. This has resulted in a lawsuit and being fired from his job. People are calling for his resignation from the city council and we can only guess how this will affect his campaign for state assembly. Yet despite all this, my father still remains optimistic. He still has faith in humanity which is more than I can say for myself right now.

Our family and friends have been so supportive. There has been an outpouring of love and kindness which has been overwhelmingly wonderful. Our faith is strong, which is all you have left when everything else falls apart.  Trials strengthen us and my dad is confident that he will come out of this stronger than ever.  

In the end, this has just reaffirmed to me that life may not always be sunny, but it is never impossible to find sunshine. Prayer, beautiful friends,running and music are just a few of the rays of sunshine that have helped me get through the past few days. Thanks, you know who you are. :)

p.s. I promise my posts wont be depressing anymore :)

LOVE LOVE LOVE polyvore.com

Winter Semester 09

Weirdest semester of my life. 

I am trying to figure out why it was so weird. And weird isn't even the best word to describe it. I just cannot put my finger on it.....

I had TONS of fun. But I also had a lot of rough times too. Sometimes the rough times happened because of the TONS of fun (e.g. getting sick and staying sick for a month because I didn't want to stop having fun). 

I made some of the most wonderful friends of my life during this semester. These friends truly helped me through the rough times.

I lost my drive to do well in school. This was not helped by the general apathetic attitude that permeated the MPA program this semester. I was doing poorly, but so was everyone else so I didn't worry about it too much. Now it is reflected in my grades and I want to shoot myself. 

I didn't sleep enough. This caused all sorts of crazy problems.

I forgot how to feel. Things would happen that I knew I should have been happy or sad about and I wasn't. This, I believe, is one of the outcomes of not getting enough sleep. I have always been an emotional and passionate person and I want it back. 

I became self-centered. My thoughts went from focusing on others to focusing on myself. This is perhaps the worst part of it all.

Despite all this, I realized that this past semester was a huge growing period in my life. I have learned so much about myself. The biggest thing that I have learned however is this:

You MUST stay true to yourself. You HAVE to. 

It is vital. When you get the thought "Maybe I should go to bed" -- GO TO BED. The MOMENT you see yourself slipping from where you want to be, you have to correct it. You CANNOT lose yourself or get caught up in the world. Because at the end of the day it is just you, in your bed, thinking about the day. Thinking about the things that happened, what you did, what you should have done, what you wish you could have done.  

Don't worry. I am ok. I know what it takes to get back to where I want to be and I am already working on it. I really didn't mean to sound so depressing in this. I really am good. 

Life is good. My testimony is strong. My family loves me. I have AMAZING friends. I am healthy. I have a job. I have food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. What else could I ask for?

Rediscovery

I have rediscovered my love for classical music. 

Today I was  in the library and I started to get annoyed with how quiet it was. I pulled out my headphones and opened itunes. Since I have recently purchased a new laptop, I do not have very much music, and it is mostly electro and dance music, which is not very conducive to studying.  So I decided to visit my favorite online radio website, http://www.last.fm/  and listen to some classical music. I had forgotten how much I adore it! I was happy that I could still name pieces and composers without looking! While listening to a particular piece by a Russian composer, I also remembered how much I love Russian literature. This led me to create a book list for the summer, which I will include when it is complete :)

Thank you classical music, for making my day sunny and for being so inspiring!

My Mother

This is my mother. Isn't she beautiful? Tomorrow (April 3, 2009) my mother will turn 50 years old. April 3, 1959, my mother entered the world in Los Angeles, CA. She grew up in the Westwood area of Los Angeles. When she was 17 yrs old, she left LA for BYU and spent two years there getting her pre-recs for dental school. Then she was back in LA at USC (fight on!) where she attended dental school following a long legacy of USC dental. She met my dad after she graduated and they got married on August 11, 1984. My mother has been working as a dental hygienist ever since. She, along with my dad, is the hardest working person I know. Because of financial difficulties,  she has had to work, despite her strong desire to stay home with her children. She is dedicated to her family and her profession. My grandpa says that she is his favorite child. My mother is really really smart. She knows everything. I can remember one time, I would go through the dictionary and give her a word and she would always know the definition. Even when I chose a really hard one. My mom is very loyal. My dad has come up with very interesting ways to make a living over the years, and she has always stuck by him. 

My mom doesn't like that she is turning 50, but I honestly think it is beautiful. She has spent 50 years of life in this earth. She has gone through so much and learned even more. She is already one of the most wise and beautiful people i know and I can't imagine how much more wise and more beautiful she will become in her next 50 yrs. I love you mom, more than you know. You are my best friend. I am sorry I couldn't be with you on this most wonderful occasion! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Happinness

Here are a few things that have made my life sunny over the past few days:

• MPA peeps- I cannot tell you what a joy it is to go to school/be in classes with people who you actually enjoy being with. It makes classes such as government finance almost bearable :). I love that fact that I know everyone's name, and they all know me. There is no competition or contention. It is wonderful and it makes me happy. (Yes Erik- this includes you)
• Grandparents-  They love me and think I am the greatest thing in the world. They send me cards (sometimes with money) just when I need them the most.
• Jenni Tabler- amazing girl who always takes time out of her busy schedule to ask me how things are going. Beautiful person for sure.
• Vanessa- nuff said (see previous post entitled Vanessa effing Oler)
• Patriarchal blessing- keeps me on track. I highly suggest that if you don't have one, get one. If you do have one, read it. Often. Done.
• My ward- Sunday was a weird day. Then I went to ward prayer and it turned into a happy day. Such amazing people!
• EDP- throwing legit dance parties that are successful with your best friends=pure joy :) Going to Cafe West at 4 am= icing on the cake.
  
• 2 Nephi 25:23 
• 1,000 Awesome Things

Back

So I got lost for a little bit, but I think I am back. Feels good :)

I love Sundays, they always bring me back to where I need to be

Its been awhile....

So this past weekend was one of those beautiful weekends that you wish could just last forever. Here are a few highlights

Friday:

• Provo Temple
• Cafe Rio with some of my all time favorite people i.e. Vanessa, Nam and Bryan :
  
  
• Getting Subway for Ryan and Vanessa> there was this crazy little girl who was running around the store, into the freezer and everything. I felt so bad for her Mom. Then the cash register ran out of ones and quarters... that was fun... i just wanted to get out of there before the smell of meat started overpowering my perfume!

• Apline Village "Feelin' Lucky?" dance> awesome friends+amazing dj= fun times

It was a great party and I was really sad that I had to leave early but......

Saturday:

• REX LEE RUN!!! I ran my first 5k and I made great time! I made it in 30 minutes and 12 seconds which is about 5 minutes faster than I have been practicing. I attribute this success to a few things (1) the knowledge that my family and friends were thinking about me. They have all been so supportive and it was really uplifting. (2) I was running with friends. We pretty much just talked the whole time and so it was pretty chill. (3) I took advil before so that my shins wouldn't hurt, I think it helped a lot, I couldn't really feel my legs :) I was so happy! (pics up soon)
• Car wash! After going 7 months without washing my car, I finally did it. I cannot tell you how much better having a clean car makes me feel! It is actually shiny now!
• Library: the information commons desk can actually be a pretty fun place :)
• Ballet Showcase: my roommate Jessica and I went to the ballet showcase and it was so beautiful. I absolutely love watching dance, especially ballet. It makes me wish I had stuck with dance when I was younger. Oh well. I am so impressed with how wonderfully talented people on this campus are.
• Hitch: What could be better than watching a great movie with Vanessa effing Oler? I submit that there is nothing better. :) haha
• Meeting Garrett Tenney- nuff said

Sunday:

• Church: nuff said
• Beautiful weather!!
• Realizing that an assignment I thought was due tomorrow actually isn't due till Wednesday!
• Talking to Mom on the phone: I had her go through my closet and tell me all the clothes that are still in there. I will be recieving a package in the near future with about 20 items of clothing that haven't fit in years :)
• Having time to update my blog

<3

Today was just a great day!

Well the day started out with a trip up to Draper to go to the temple open house. The temple was so beautiful and the feelings I felt are almost indescribable. First of all, Draper is beautiful. Second of all it was bright and sunny, so it was a perfect setting. So we took a bus up to the temple from the the stake center where we parked and you turn the corner and see the beautiful gray granite temple with the snowy mountains as the backdrop. Then we entered and an immediate feeling of peace and warmth came over me and it almost brought me to tears. I can't even describe the beauty in that temple. The wood is gorgeous, the upholstry on the chairs and couches is incredible and the detail on the ceilings is amazing. But the best part of course was the chandelier in the celestial room. It was huge and sparkly and just beautiful. I can't even describe it. That room did bring tears into my eyes. So I am now in love with the Draper Temple.

So then later I finally got to see my cousin Zach who just got back from his mission in New York!! I hadn't seen him since he got back and it was just so great to see him! Tomorrow we are having a family get together and I am so excited to be with my family!

Then I went to Penny Royal with Ryan. Vanessa and John(?) came too, so it was a party! The food at Penny Royal is to die for. You don't even know. Penny Royal is my new favorite place in Provo. The atmosphere is so serene and you can just relax and have a good time. And we met a new friend named Emma who was THE CUTEST little girl ever! She was this little three-year old girl with blonde curly hair and she was so friendly and just so adorable. Just being there with people I love was so fun. I just felt pure happinness.

Now, I am sitting in the library procratinating. I just want to have fun! Is that so much to ask??!!!

I want to travel

For the past six months or so, I have had this constant and strong urge to get out of the United States. It is not that I don't love and appreciate this country, I feel very blessed to live here, but my desire to see the world is a strong one. The thought of quitting life for a year and traveling all over the world makes it hard to focus on much else. A month in Europe when I was 15 just wasn't enough to satisfy my longing to see new places and meet new people. I can't really imagine much else more amazing than seeing all the places I have studied about and meeting people who are different from me, but also learning that we are all essentially the same. Here are a few things that I would give almost anything to see/do

Pyramids in Cairo
The Holy Land
all of New Zealand
Stonehenge at sunrise
The Russian Ballet in Moscow
O Cristo Redentor in Rio de Jainero
just lay on a huge grassy hill somewhere in Scotland or Ireland
go back to the Swiss Alps
Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia
spend more time in Rome
spend TONS more time in Spain

I could go on and on about all the places I want to see.

Unfortunately I have no money. Maybe I will just have to find a rich guy who has the same desire to travel as me!

As for now, hopefully my trip to Montreal in September will satisfy my urge just a little.

Vanessa

Ok, so this girl is amazing.

Let me tell you a little bit about Vanessa (just keep in mind that I only met her like four weeks ago). I first saw Vanessa at the Glenwood EDP. I remember thinking "Who is this girl?" That question was perpetuated the next week at Penny Royal when she totally dominated the meeting with all her amazing ideas and insights. The next day she requested me as a friend on facebook with this comment "Sorry we didn't get to talk at Penny Royal last night, let's be friends" It was then that I knew that Vanessa was (is) amazing.

Vanessa is smart. She knows people. How to deal with them, how to talk with them, how to basically read their minds and then say exactly what they are feeling in words that they could not have come up with on their own. She also knows how to make you feel loved and appreciated. What more could you ask for in a friend?

Vanessa is beautiful. I have never met someone who is so comfortable with, and confident in, themselves. This is rather refreshing in a time where a lot of people feel the need to be fake in order to be accepted.

Vanessa is genuine. When she says things, I know she means them.

Vanessa is a great cook.

Vanessa is extremely talented. I can't imagine anything that she wouldn't be good at.

I could go on, but I will stop there. Just take my word for it, she rocks. I am so glad that we have become friends! I look forward to the many fun times to come!

Thank you Vanessa, for making my life sunny!

Primos!

Nuff said!

Garrett's Podcast

If you enjoy trance/progressive music, check out the podcast for DJ Insomniac.

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=274503988


I love it, and it makes me happy.

Running

There is nothing like the feeling of being exhausted from running. For me, it is one of the best feelings. Knowing that I am tired from physically working hard is highly rewarding. Aubrey described it best when she said it is "euphoric".

Today I ran more than I ever have before, and I was so proud of myself! My life goal is to run a marathon, but I am starting with a 5k (3.1 miles). The Rex Lee run is in March and I plan on doing that with a few of my friends. Then a 10k, then a half marathon, and then one day, a marathon!!

Thank You .... uhhh... running? for making my life sunny!

Raymon!

Thank You Raymon Burton, for making my day sunny!!!!

Quails

This morning I was walking to school, it was cold and cloudy, and I was very depressed that it is Monday. When I was walking past the old presidents house, a group of quails ran out behind a bush and ran across the snow. They were so cute and they totally made me smile! Thank You little quails, for making my day sunny!