Winter Semester 09

Weirdest semester of my life. 

I am trying to figure out why it was so weird. And weird isn't even the best word to describe it. I just cannot put my finger on it.....

I had TONS of fun. But I also had a lot of rough times too. Sometimes the rough times happened because of the TONS of fun (e.g. getting sick and staying sick for a month because I didn't want to stop having fun). 

I made some of the most wonderful friends of my life during this semester. These friends truly helped me through the rough times.

I lost my drive to do well in school. This was not helped by the general apathetic attitude that permeated the MPA program this semester. I was doing poorly, but so was everyone else so I didn't worry about it too much. Now it is reflected in my grades and I want to shoot myself. 

I didn't sleep enough. This caused all sorts of crazy problems.

I forgot how to feel. Things would happen that I knew I should have been happy or sad about and I wasn't. This, I believe, is one of the outcomes of not getting enough sleep. I have always been an emotional and passionate person and I want it back. 

I became self-centered. My thoughts went from focusing on others to focusing on myself. This is perhaps the worst part of it all.

Despite all this, I realized that this past semester was a huge growing period in my life. I have learned so much about myself. The biggest thing that I have learned however is this:

You MUST stay true to yourself. You HAVE to. 

It is vital. When you get the thought "Maybe I should go to bed" -- GO TO BED. The MOMENT you see yourself slipping from where you want to be, you have to correct it. You CANNOT lose yourself or get caught up in the world. Because at the end of the day it is just you, in your bed, thinking about the day. Thinking about the things that happened, what you did, what you should have done, what you wish you could have done.  

Don't worry. I am ok. I know what it takes to get back to where I want to be and I am already working on it. I really didn't mean to sound so depressing in this. I really am good. 

Life is good. My testimony is strong. My family loves me. I have AMAZING friends. I am healthy. I have a job. I have food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. What else could I ask for?

Rediscovery

I have rediscovered my love for classical music. 

Today I was  in the library and I started to get annoyed with how quiet it was. I pulled out my headphones and opened itunes. Since I have recently purchased a new laptop, I do not have very much music, and it is mostly electro and dance music, which is not very conducive to studying.  So I decided to visit my favorite online radio website, http://www.last.fm/  and listen to some classical music. I had forgotten how much I adore it! I was happy that I could still name pieces and composers without looking! While listening to a particular piece by a Russian composer, I also remembered how much I love Russian literature. This led me to create a book list for the summer, which I will include when it is complete :)

Thank you classical music, for making my day sunny and for being so inspiring!

My Mother

This is my mother. Isn't she beautiful? Tomorrow (April 3, 2009) my mother will turn 50 years old. April 3, 1959, my mother entered the world in Los Angeles, CA. She grew up in the Westwood area of Los Angeles. When she was 17 yrs old, she left LA for BYU and spent two years there getting her pre-recs for dental school. Then she was back in LA at USC (fight on!) where she attended dental school following a long legacy of USC dental. She met my dad after she graduated and they got married on August 11, 1984. My mother has been working as a dental hygienist ever since. She, along with my dad, is the hardest working person I know. Because of financial difficulties,  she has had to work, despite her strong desire to stay home with her children. She is dedicated to her family and her profession. My grandpa says that she is his favorite child. My mother is really really smart. She knows everything. I can remember one time, I would go through the dictionary and give her a word and she would always know the definition. Even when I chose a really hard one. My mom is very loyal. My dad has come up with very interesting ways to make a living over the years, and she has always stuck by him. 

My mom doesn't like that she is turning 50, but I honestly think it is beautiful. She has spent 50 years of life in this earth. She has gone through so much and learned even more. She is already one of the most wise and beautiful people i know and I can't imagine how much more wise and more beautiful she will become in her next 50 yrs. I love you mom, more than you know. You are my best friend. I am sorry I couldn't be with you on this most wonderful occasion! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Happinness

Here are a few things that have made my life sunny over the past few days:

• MPA peeps- I cannot tell you what a joy it is to go to school/be in classes with people who you actually enjoy being with. It makes classes such as government finance almost bearable :). I love that fact that I know everyone's name, and they all know me. There is no competition or contention. It is wonderful and it makes me happy. (Yes Erik- this includes you)
• Grandparents-  They love me and think I am the greatest thing in the world. They send me cards (sometimes with money) just when I need them the most.
• Jenni Tabler- amazing girl who always takes time out of her busy schedule to ask me how things are going. Beautiful person for sure.
• Vanessa- nuff said (see previous post entitled Vanessa effing Oler)
• Patriarchal blessing- keeps me on track. I highly suggest that if you don't have one, get one. If you do have one, read it. Often. Done.
• My ward- Sunday was a weird day. Then I went to ward prayer and it turned into a happy day. Such amazing people!
• EDP- throwing legit dance parties that are successful with your best friends=pure joy :) Going to Cafe West at 4 am= icing on the cake.
  
• 2 Nephi 25:23 
• 1,000 Awesome Things